There have been many many moments lately where I sit and think, "What the hell have I done?"
"Boot Camp?"
"The Air Force?"
"Really?"
I'm not one for change. I'm the guy who's lived in the same house since I was born, the guy who orders the same Sandwich at Subway every week, the guy who attempts to make a schedule and stick to it as best as possible. If I can manage to keep something a constant in my life, I'll try my hardest to keep it that way. So what in the world possessed me to leave behind the bed I've had since I was six and start a whole new life? Why am I taking such a huge step? Am I ready for this?
I mean....we are, after all, talking about the guy who busted his back up just 12 months ago. Is he strong enough to be a soldier? Can he handle the physical demand? Can he overcome an obstacle like that?
This is the most scared I've ever felt in my life. Literally, the only thing I have to rely on is the blind faith that I've got a Savior who's going to be with me every step through it. But no matter the number of prayers, the "You're gonna do great"'s, the work-outs, I still have this fear, this doubt that eats away at my mind.
So here it goes.
God,
Make me strong.
Build me up.
Help me be the man I want to be, and deep down know that I can be.
Keep me safe.
Keep your eye on me.
Don't let me falter.
Don't let me slip.
Help me see the light you've put in me.
Surround the uncertainty, don't let it overpower me.
I need that faith. In not just myself, but in your master plan.
Let all this come to be a showcase of you, and how anything can happen.
Make me your instrument.
Amen.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Mr. Maxxinista
The final week of my employment at TJ Maxx. I honestly thought I'd never see it coming, as often as I told myself it was time to quit. Now that I'm finally leaving, it's really sad. First of all, this wasn't a "BOSS SUCKS, PAY SUCKS, JOB SUCKS, I QUIT!!" kind of leaving. I mean, as often as I complained that I was bored or didn't feel like going into work, I really did, and still do, enjoy that job. What kind of place lets an Eighteen Year old wear V-Necks and a Mohawk to work, or do his best James Earl Jones impression over the intercom for the closing announcements?
This is the place where Life Skills truly kicked in for me. They don't teach you the same skills in a classroom that you get working a register, doing stock. School teaches you to be a Student, a job teaches you to be an adult. I've had some true struggles there, one of my biggest learning to be comfortable as a salesmen with complete strangers. I remember trying to sell TJX Rewards Credit Cards my first few months and just being absolutely terrified. Now, it's a breeze for me to make my world-famous pitch; "Can I interest you in saving 10% by being approved for our Rewards Card?" I could sell ice to a Polar Bear, I tell you what.
What am I going to miss the most there? Most definitely the people. There's "The Regulars", the ones you see in there every day shopping for wonderful deals. The children, of two types of course, bratty and sweet. The shopper (you know who you are) who is still deciding which Tennis Skirt is going to look the best while the store has been closed for the night for at least ten minutes. My co-workers, Associates, Managers, people that make my shift a little easier. The friends I made, the ones I've learned to put up with, and the very very very select few that, in all honestly, really grind my gears.
So to you, I propose a Cyber Toast. Non-Alcoholic, of course. Gotta keep it Straight Edge.
To the boy who spent an entire shift his first night and worked straight through his break on something that takes him 30 minutes now.
To the woman who paid a Forty Dollar total in rolls of pennies.
To the customer that pointed out everything I did wrong or different during my first week, the first time I felt insecure at the workplace.
For every credit application I filled out, and the sense of pride that closely followed.
To the people in charge of making the playlist for the store. More specifically, the one that chose Paula Cole's Where Have All The Cowboys Gone, Tears For Fear's Sowing The Seeds Of Love, and Faith Hill's This Kiss.
To the place that didn't fire me after all my screw ups,
accidents,
call outs,
and three months worth of injury leave.
To every co-worker that made me smile, or laughed at one of my stupid jokes.
To all the memories.
This blog is for you.
Sincerely,
Reed Owens, Mr. Maxxinista
This is the place where Life Skills truly kicked in for me. They don't teach you the same skills in a classroom that you get working a register, doing stock. School teaches you to be a Student, a job teaches you to be an adult. I've had some true struggles there, one of my biggest learning to be comfortable as a salesmen with complete strangers. I remember trying to sell TJX Rewards Credit Cards my first few months and just being absolutely terrified. Now, it's a breeze for me to make my world-famous pitch; "Can I interest you in saving 10% by being approved for our Rewards Card?" I could sell ice to a Polar Bear, I tell you what.
What am I going to miss the most there? Most definitely the people. There's "The Regulars", the ones you see in there every day shopping for wonderful deals. The children, of two types of course, bratty and sweet. The shopper (you know who you are) who is still deciding which Tennis Skirt is going to look the best while the store has been closed for the night for at least ten minutes. My co-workers, Associates, Managers, people that make my shift a little easier. The friends I made, the ones I've learned to put up with, and the very very very select few that, in all honestly, really grind my gears.
So to you, I propose a Cyber Toast. Non-Alcoholic, of course. Gotta keep it Straight Edge.
To the boy who spent an entire shift his first night and worked straight through his break on something that takes him 30 minutes now.
To the woman who paid a Forty Dollar total in rolls of pennies.
To the customer that pointed out everything I did wrong or different during my first week, the first time I felt insecure at the workplace.
For every credit application I filled out, and the sense of pride that closely followed.
To the people in charge of making the playlist for the store. More specifically, the one that chose Paula Cole's Where Have All The Cowboys Gone, Tears For Fear's Sowing The Seeds Of Love, and Faith Hill's This Kiss.
To the place that didn't fire me after all my screw ups,
accidents,
call outs,
and three months worth of injury leave.
To every co-worker that made me smile, or laughed at one of my stupid jokes.
To all the memories.
This blog is for you.
Sincerely,
Reed Owens, Mr. Maxxinista
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Notebook
Well first of all.....Ahoy! If you're reading this right now, then you're probably my Mom. However, if this is not the case, then give yourself 20 Reedus Points just for being wonderful enough to get here. Why start blogging? Because I keep having wonderful ideas that end up totaling 141 Characters? Because I have wonderful moments of Divinity at 2 A.M. while sitting upon the toilet? Sure, those two will work. But enough of the small talk, I'm a man who wants to get straight down to the point.
So tonight, as I finish up another night of Mind-Numbing Retail Labor, I ponder what to do. Now usually, I just dive right into my Xbox 360, giving it more attention than I give poor Samson, the gender-confused Shih-Tzu currently begging for some sort of attention. However, tonight ended up being different, as I pull the ole' Laptop out and watch one of my favorite movies, The Notebook. For all you Men far too Macho to see such a film, it's a heartwarming tale based on the book by Nicholas Sparks about a young couple in love. We see them go through trials and tribulations, and without giving anything away, as if you couldn't figure it out, true love conquers all, etc., etc. And, since I'm in the privacy of my own room, I have the privilege of completely gushing throughout the entire thing. I mean, c'mon......Who can't sit through a great Love story and Awwww? Who can see a Character get his heart shattered to a million pieces and not shed a little tear? From The Notebook to 50 First Dates, from Dear John to Titanic, I get a great pleasure from sitting back and watching pure Love.
And now on to the digression of these feelings. How often do we see these movies and wonder why we don't get to be Noah and Allie? When does our turn come around? Is love really like this? Are we setting the bar too high?
Well?
I'm certainly not the one to ask. My ticket for the Love Train isn't punched yet, and I don't think it will be for some time to come, which in my eyes, is healthy for an eighteen year old. However, I do think that a love like that could be out there for me, as well as everyone else in this crazy world. We don't ever get to think of it that way; we kinda dismiss the thought as a "Hollywood Dream", but just as I still have that glisten of hope that Santa Claus is going to shock the world, or that I still should stay far, far from underneath a ladder, I still think a connection like these characters exist.
Noah didn't come flying in on a white steed, he didn't burst down any dungeon doors or slay the mighty Trogdor, as incredibly awesome as that might be,
But he did manage to find a best friend. A partner. Someone to share life with. Someone who looked past the junk and hardships life forced upon him. Someone to bear the Yolk. Someone to pour his dreams and thoughts into.
Is that so hard to believe exists out there for me as well?
"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing....So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."
So tonight, as I finish up another night of Mind-Numbing Retail Labor, I ponder what to do. Now usually, I just dive right into my Xbox 360, giving it more attention than I give poor Samson, the gender-confused Shih-Tzu currently begging for some sort of attention. However, tonight ended up being different, as I pull the ole' Laptop out and watch one of my favorite movies, The Notebook. For all you Men far too Macho to see such a film, it's a heartwarming tale based on the book by Nicholas Sparks about a young couple in love. We see them go through trials and tribulations, and without giving anything away, as if you couldn't figure it out, true love conquers all, etc., etc. And, since I'm in the privacy of my own room, I have the privilege of completely gushing throughout the entire thing. I mean, c'mon......Who can't sit through a great Love story and Awwww? Who can see a Character get his heart shattered to a million pieces and not shed a little tear? From The Notebook to 50 First Dates, from Dear John to Titanic, I get a great pleasure from sitting back and watching pure Love.
And now on to the digression of these feelings. How often do we see these movies and wonder why we don't get to be Noah and Allie? When does our turn come around? Is love really like this? Are we setting the bar too high?
Well?
I'm certainly not the one to ask. My ticket for the Love Train isn't punched yet, and I don't think it will be for some time to come, which in my eyes, is healthy for an eighteen year old. However, I do think that a love like that could be out there for me, as well as everyone else in this crazy world. We don't ever get to think of it that way; we kinda dismiss the thought as a "Hollywood Dream", but just as I still have that glisten of hope that Santa Claus is going to shock the world, or that I still should stay far, far from underneath a ladder, I still think a connection like these characters exist.
Noah didn't come flying in on a white steed, he didn't burst down any dungeon doors or slay the mighty Trogdor, as incredibly awesome as that might be,
But he did manage to find a best friend. A partner. Someone to share life with. Someone who looked past the junk and hardships life forced upon him. Someone to bear the Yolk. Someone to pour his dreams and thoughts into.
Is that so hard to believe exists out there for me as well?
"Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing....So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."
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